The past week was almost like fighting the natural man each day. Pulling up to a well established neighborhood in the air conditioned car with comfy seats and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is always something of an opportunity to either grow spiritually or damn myself with complaints. Once out of the car, the battle continues. The sun beats down its rays upon you with bug like beads of sweat rolling down your back attempting to torture you with the thought of a cool apartment. Yet somehow, for some reason we move on from door to door inviting others to come unto Christ. Most the time the reactions are "I'm already in [such an such] church" to which well devised and clever questions are asked, "Well don't you want to come closer to Christ?" Usually the response is negative and the door separates us from the potential member of the restored Gospel. Next door. The anxiety moving to the next door increases as you look over the house checking to see if they are staring at you and the book that you dare to hold. The bell rings, the door is knocked and the Spirit seeking process begins all over again. At the end, walking back to the car, the satisfaction and confirming pat on the back from the Spirit is almost as much as a huge success as each door was failure, making the energy spent, the Holy Ghost felt, the rejected testimony, totally 100% worth it.

We had a funny experience yesterday when we set up a visit to a active part member family that has had bad experiences with missionaries in the past. I have been in the area 6 months and this is the first time I have been in the home. The nerves were a bit high and my social skills were challenged trying to reestablish trust between a member and a missionary. The funny part of it all is that we had a dinner appointment right after this appointment who was under the impression that we had asked her to feed us dinner. So yes, the Elders had 2 dinner appointments on Sunday in Nac. It was a very interesting experience referring to the first dinner. I didn't feel welcome and yet the situation felt familiar, like I had been there before. She preferred that we didn't share a spiritual thought, so we didn't, and no miracles occurred. She had an excommunicated daughter there with extreme animosity towards the Church. Hmm, not sure what the Spirit was trying to teach me but I recorded the experience in my journal. As I was writing in my journal I realized that I had let the opportunity for testimony slip away for fear of a negative reaction. This should never phase me again. Lesson learned. Whether I was in that situation supposed to share a testimony or not, I was taught by the Spirit. And yes, was very very full by the end of the night.

On Saturday one of the members of the ward was buried, Brother Johnson. He was a member that would come out with us missionaries at a moments notice. I think he averaged teaching with us 2-3 times a week. He had served something like 4 missions. I don't think I have seen very many members like him who were serving so well in building up the kingdom. He certainly, in my opinion, sealed his Celestial exaltation. No doubt he was asked to fulfill big assignments in the next life that will continue to fill him with joy and commitment to always say yes to the will of the Lord. It was certainly a shock and depressing to hear of his passing but he had served well and it was a great privilege to witness his example and see his response when the call was made.

We had a very interesting lesson on Friday night with a 17 year old that has a baby and wants to be baptized. We knew that we had to teach the Law of Chastity but I think the fact that we taught her in front of her dad and grandparents may have caused some embarrassment on all of our parts. Yet she committed, no problem, and reconfirmed her desire to be baptized. We will continue to teach and check for testimony. The last thing I want to do is baptize someone who is doing it out of pressure. We invite, they commit, we follow up. Agency is a role that is hard to understand at times. Especially when you teach a great week yet 1 investigator comes to church. The stress piles up and 'whys' begin to pour out. Then the Savior tests your commitment to always remember him and engage in the greatest work ever.

We have been working with a few people who all believe the Book of Mormon to be true (who can dispute after reading and praying about it) the issue resides in the opposition they get from close range, family, friends, leaders. They know its true. But leaving life and relationships is so difficult. Sometimes hard for me to understand. My inward response tends to be "It's true isn't it? Then what else matters?" So the challenge for us has been to connect the dots with the center piece of the Restoration. These are wonderful children of God as we all are. I pray hard every night to know how to best serve them. Some of are most disgusted doors tell me that I was an instrument in my Saviors hands in reaching out to that person in a time of need in their life.

On Tuesday we did something a bit unusual. We opted not to tract and instead we stayed inside and called every single Less Active member on our list. As the Stake President put it "there is plenty of work to do within the ward itself." So we worked the list all day. It is amazing to me to hear such bitterness on the other end of the line and one phone call later hear "ya know Elders, I have been wanting to get active for awhile. Come on over." The choice to act and not to be acted upon will definitely assure you of happiness now and eternally.

Well as I reflect on the first year of the mission it surprises me to see how much change and refining I have been put under. I am very privileged to have recorded one page per day for the past year so I can feel who I used to be. Yet this doesn't satisfy me. Yes, awesome, its good but I see the first year as ground work of certain patterns of success that have been instilled in me that will help me become more efficient and grow much more substantially. I am not looking for a better person for me to become but for my very nature and innermost desires to become intimately closer with those of the Savior's. My desire is to become like Him isn't it?

Anyway thank y'all for your letters, love and support. I sure am sad to know I only have a short amount of time left to fill in what goals and experiences the Lord wants me to have but I am happy for the time nonetheless. Let the Battle continue and the Lord make me equal to every challenge. As I testify, he supports - no matter the pain, heat sickness, tiredness, and sadness.

Love Elder Metcalf